This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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