um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
