I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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