I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this boner is exhausting
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
