Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
