Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
