2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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