3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
