Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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