I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
