She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
