yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
