after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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