Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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