Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
