He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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