Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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