dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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