Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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