I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
