I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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