I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
