I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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