She is in my trunk
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
