It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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