Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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