In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
