I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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