I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think your dad took our porno
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
