I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
