if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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