OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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