remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
