Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
