I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
