I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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