We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
