margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
