Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
