Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
