and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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