Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
