You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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