My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
