I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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