she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
