why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
