Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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