The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
