I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
