you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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