That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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