I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
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I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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