there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
