this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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