Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
