Do you still have your period?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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