hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
