If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
