We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize