You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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